Nor Cal / Nev College Ministries

Discipleship and Fellowship

Dr. Nicholas Tavani, a Christian Sociologist, has said, "Fellowship only occurs in srnall groups." By that he means that fellowship (the purposeful and intimate sharing of our lives) cannot occur at a large group level (over 12 people). He claims that it is impossible for us to have significant, con-current rehztionships with more than a dozen people. (Surely the nurnber of close friends through a lifetime would be much higher, but on any given day of our lives we can handle no more than a dozen.) Most of us never come close to having a dozen dose, concurrent friends. Probably most of our relationships are benevolent acquaintances. Some people never find a true close friend for major portions of their lives. However, scripture calls us to, and Jesus models a lifestyle of personal openness and vulnerability which becomes determinative for the way we relate to each other as Christians. Therefore, fellowship is a major aspect of a Discipleship Small Group.

"What we have seen and heard we announce to you also, so that you will join us in the fellowship that we have with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. If we live in the light-just as he is in the light-then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from every sin" (1 John 1:3,7).

What Style of Leadership is Needed for a Small Group?

"That guy acts like such a dictator!"
"Why is he such a passive leader?""I like our pastor because he is like a player/coach." We have already looked at the distinctions between natural and spiritual leadership. Those distinctions point to what a leader is like. Here we will look at how a leader operates. Ted Engstrom cites a survey of 200 managers who overwhelmingly agreed that the most important single skill of an executive is his ability to get along with people. "In the survey, management rated this ability more vital than intelligence, decisiveness, knowledge, or job skills" (The Making of a Christian L£ader, p. 67).

A leadership style is the way a leader goes about his or her responsibili ties and how that leader is perceived by those he or she is attempting to lead. Much has been written concerning the style of leadership that should be exhibited given a variety of situations.

Students of small groups have discovered that there are various styles of group leadership, some of which are more helpful that others, and some which are more appropriate at various stages in the small group's develop­ment.

The four most common leadership styles are:

• Autocratic (domineering, dictatorial)
• Authoritative (definite yet responsive)
• Democratic (group-centered)
• Laissez-faire (permissive, passive)

The issue here is not, "Which leadership style is better than any of the others?", but "Which leadership style is best for this particular group at this point in time?"

The most effective style of leadership is one which shifts from an early position of dominance to a later position of facilitation. In the first few weeks (2-4 weeks), the group will be somewhat uncomfortable with each other and unsure concerning what or how to share properly. A well prepared leader with a clear idea of where he or she wants to go, who is open to discussion and the active involvement of the group members, may give the inexperienced group members a sense of direction and security which is helpful in the early stages of group life. The leader should demonstrate a model of the kind of sharing he or she hopes will typify the entire year. This means the leader should be the first to share (personal histories, testimonies, responses to discussion questions, etc.) and thereby set a pattern for others to follow.

Following this first stage, the leader needs to move to a role of facilitator. The members should now begin to feel a sense of ownership of their group. They now are becoming aware of the appropriate manner in which they are to open up their lives to one another. The leader is then to assist their sharing, highlight truths expressed, ask appropriate questions, and make the necessary transitions in the meeting. Rather than being the first to share, he or she now calls for dialogue or response from the members. The leader still is modeling transparency and affirmation, but in a less controlling manner. Some have called this shift the move from Authoritative leadership to Democratic leadership style.

The best leadership styles seem to be those in which prepared leaders offer suggestions and guidance most strongly in the beginning (authoritative) and move as rapidly as possible to a truly shared ownership of the group by all its members (democratic). By the end of the school year, the group members should be exerdsing many of the functions in the group and sharing as equal partners in decision-making about future plans and procedures.

Stages in Group Life

In working to build individuals into a group, it is important for a small group leader to be aware of the stages of small group life. Small groups go through stages as they begin, continue, and end their life together. Just as an individual moves through stages in his lifecycle from infancy to old age, so groups move through stages as well.

There are at least four stages that a Discipleship Small Group will go through to achieve health.

A. History-giving

In healthy relationships, the prerequisite to loving is knowing. For a Discipleship Small Group to go from a collection of people to a community of love, an atmosphere of love and acceptance needs to be facilitated. This is best accomplished by allowing people to share their backgrounds, their personal histories-what in their past has contributed to their present. Hopes and dreams need to be expressed as well as life goals, successes, and failures.

Start with sharing personal history that is the least threatening and even fun to disclose. If you group plans to stay together from 12 to 30 weeks, then spend the first 2 to 4 weeks with a focus on history-giving. Lay a good foundation of mutual understanding.

B. Affirmation

It is an affirming experience to share from your personal life and have a core of people who are interested in you and care. But what is called for here is a planned session in which affirmation is the primary focus. This is an opportunity to go beyond the non-verbal expressions of acceptance and actually verbalize your growing love and concern for each other.

This is a time to express to each other the strengths you have observed and the Christian qualities you most appreciate. Now is the time to express your warmth and nail down verbally your acceptance of your new friends. So immediately after you've completed the history-giving focus, have one meeting to affirm one another. Periodically (once every 8-10 weeks) make it the total focus again. We are called not only to demonstrate our love by actions, but also in words.

HISTORY-GIVING AND AFFIRMATION
One of the most natural history-giving exercises is to have everyone take all the time they need to tell their testimony of receiving Christ. The leader should share first. It will also give you a good readout as to where everyone truly is spiritually (and assist them in this same self-understanding).A tremendous resource to use for these first two phases of group life are materials written by Lyman Coleman in his Serendipity Series. Most recenily, he has put together the Serendipity Bible for Groups which combines an NIV Bible with questions to aid in group sharing and discussion of each passage of the Bible.

C. Discipleship

Discipleship need not and should notbe a static educational experience. It is best accomplished in a strong relational context. It is a shame to take the Words of Life and express them in lifeless forms. So into this atmosphere of mutual accountability, begin to live out the process of discipleship exemplified by Jesus.

This means that the individual needs must be assessed and then the biblical goals must be highlighted. There are skills which must be learned (Bible study, prayer, witnessing, etc.), there are healings necessary (physical, emotional, relational), there are truths which must be understood and integrated. All of these best occur when the goals are set by friends who accept us, and then will give us the support and practical help necessary for us to accomplish them. In a year of small group life, discipleship will be the dominant focus.

D.Communion

This last phase is more a statement of intent than an actual phase of Small Group life. Communion reminds us that the Discipleship Small Groups are not an end in themselves-communion is the end. The ultimate purpose is to fulfill the greatest commandments asJesus expressed them-to love God with our whole being and love our neighbor as ourself.

The Small Group is a structure which most helps communion to occur. However, communion is not guaranteed because one joins a Small Group. If people are to grow in love for God and others, they must obey the commands of Christ. Communion of souls and minds is hard to plan for. It is most often found spontaneously erupting when God's people gather in His name to fulfill His desires.

A Potpourri of Questions Regarding Small Group Life

A. How large Should a Small Group become?

Experience has demonstrated that 4 to 6 people is close to ideal size. Remember, the larger the group, the less the personal "air-time" and thus the slower the relational growth. Groups larger than 6 need co-leaders and significant contact with one another outside the Small Group meet­ing.

B. How long should a Small Group meeting last?

It seems that a minimum of 2 hours is necessary to accomplish the purposes and goals of a Small Group. It would be quite difficult to do so in less time.

C. How often should the Small Group meetings occur and when?

The pace of the university scene is very fast and changing. Much happens from one day to the next. So to stay current with each other, it becomes necessary to have a meeting once every week. The best times are in the evenings, but also many successful groups have met in the late afternoon as well.

D. Should Discipleship Small Groups be Coed or Sexually Segregated?

While both have merit, the most successful groups are the sexually segregated (men's and women's) groups. Issues of self-concept, past problems, plus sexual and other more intimate issues are of great concern to the single college student. The coed groups have proven to be too inhibiting and require such great maturity that they have a higher possibility of disbanding. The segregated groups seem to enhance com­mitment and reduce game playing.

Just a note of observation for what it's worth: Campus pastors have noticed that the majority of students truly prefer segregated groups. Often the requests for coed groups come from men and the strongest supporters of segregated groups are the women. They have noticed that it is much more difficult for men to be open and committed to other men, but it is a necessary area of growth for college males.

The Essential Ingredient: Commitment

It has been said that a lack of commitment is like a slipping clutch on a car. The driver has years of experience, the car is well tuned and powerful, the road is smooth, but the dutch will not engage. It canbe the same witha Small Group. The leader can be well-trained and the members can have good, warm Christian hearts, but without commitment, the Small Group will fail. Commitment is an absolutely essential ingredient to the development of a trust-filled core. Commitment must be taught, expected, and modeled.

Make the issue of commitment the very first item of discussion at the very first Small Group meeting. Use a covenant sheet as a tool for discussion. (See the sample in Appendix 5.) A group covenant will also define the expectations and limits of the commitment being asked for. Don't fudge on this issue. If someone cannot declare their willingness to comply with the minimum commitments, then suggest that they wait until their schedule or priorities shift so that they can subscribe to the group commitments.